This house feels like home. It’s the first place we have slept soundly since Lochlan passed away, the first place our whole family has been under one roof. It’s small, has a cramped kitchen and a huge yard. It has a kids playroom and an office for me to work in. There are no nooks and crannies where I fell down and cried, no snags in the rug that I stared at endlessly for hours, not knowing what else to do with myself. There are kids shoes on the floor, toys in the grass, crayon on the wall. Things I wished for with fervent desperation. I feel like a mother here, I feel grown, like I have finally stepped into my place in the world - not scared and unsure of my footing.
The light comes through the cracks.
The healing joins with the breaking.
The change comes after we fall apart... and rebuild