The month of heartbreak & healing.
Birth & loss.
A wild wave of emotions that seem to always lift me up and pull me beneath the surface in one movement.
How do I celebrate a birth when I already know the outcome is death? How could I let his birthday pass by without remembering the joy I felt seeing him for the first time?
An impossible month of memories, victories, deep and sudden losses.
April holds the day I met Lochlan, and the day I fought against everything in my being to gently let him go.
April you are very, very hard.
And so amazingly pretty.
I dug my hands into the garden soil yesterday and thought - how lucky are we to have our hardest month of grief in the most rejuvenating time of year. Sunshine, crisp breeze, buzz of bees, goosebumps.
Tears will fall at the same time I smell apple blossoms in the air.
I could say that is a gift - but loss is not a gift. It’s a gut wrenching, terrible thing... that I will endure in the sunshine once more, as his birthday and heaven day draw near.